Naughty Bear: Panic in Paradise

Naughty Bear: Panic in Paradise proves that even horrible reviews and a total lack of creativity aren't enough to stop this gimp-legged franchise. If I had to pick something I really enjoyed about the game, I'd have to go with the loading screens. I miss the time when games tried to keep the player busy, even in little ways, while they wait for the game to load.

Panic in Paradise is still a better game than 2010's Naughty Bear in terms of content, but ultimately the same awareness of a hundred missed opportunities settles in. As before, the charm of the unhinged British narrator and the sight of cutesy bears getting impaled on bamboo wears off before long, and the new nods to variety can't mask the feeling that you're doing the same thing over and over for more than 30 levels.

Ultimately, fluff is still fluff, even with a better price and presentation

Naughty Bear: Panic in Paradise has a novel idea and little else. While it's a passionless, nihilistic exercise in senseless violence, it's real crime is being a tragically unfun video game. It's only arguably redeeming quality is the way it caters to the same kind of morbid fascination that drives kids to rip the wings off of butterflies, or have catered Justin Bieber parties. And if there's any justice in this industry at all, that one strength will not be enough to save this dreck from the bowels of the bargain bin.

Naughty Bear Panic in Paradise is not a game for everyone. Some will find it childish in nature, or complain that it is too simplistic. For me, this is where it finds its humor and charm. It is apparent from the start that they had nothing but fun in mind with the loading screens and title screen; pressing square on these screens yields a small, but humorous reward that I won’t spoil here.

Naughty Bear: Panic in Paradise is every bit as mediocre as its prequel, with the added grotesquery of laziness, exploitative padding, frequent glitching and the beating of a dead horse that had already reduced to battered mulch the last time around. I don't know why this sequel exists, outside of a cynical cash-grab or a frankly ridiculous belief that the original was almost perfect and could get away with trying the same trick twice. Both circumstances are unforgivable.